Crossing the Finish Line/ Celebration Arrangements

Hello Friends,

This evening, Lee Myers left the pain and struggle of this life and entered into the embrace of his Heavenly Father. I was blessed to be there with Lee, along with his mom and dad, and several of Lee’s close friends and family members. I am astounded tonight at the grace of God and His closeness to us as we said goodbye to our dear Lee.

I had just walked back into the room and reached down and grabbed Lee’s hand when I watched Lee draw his last breath. In that moment, I saw a vision of Lee crossing a finish line at a track meet. He crossed the line and ran into the arms of Jesus. They were holding each other and rejoicing together. Then I looked down and saw a big baton and realized that Lee had finished his leg of the race. Within a few moments, it became evident that Lee was done breathing and had gone to heaven.

The next few hours were spent praying and crying, worshiping and sharing stories with each other. Some friends and I kept our word to Lee and prayed for God to bring resurrection power into Lee’s body. Through all of this, I was incredibly aware of how close God was to us.

I want to thank each one of you who have stood with us in praying for Lee over the past several years. It has been a long and hard journey, and I have been amazed at how your prayers have impacted Lee’s life, and in turn the lives of all those who he has touched.

I want to take a moment and share some things that have been very important truths to me over the past two days.

1. Lee did not “lose his fight” today. Thanks be to God who purchased Lee’s victory 2000 years ago when He sent His Son Jesus to die on the cross. The moment that Lee breathed his last breath here, he was immediately in the presence of Jesus. Completely healed and whole. We have been praying for Lee, because Jesus taught us to pray that His Kingdom would come on earth as it is in heaven. We will continue to pray this way, contending for breakthrough in areas that we have not yet seen, but we are free to do this with boldness and without fear because we know that Jesus has purchased a victory for us that ultimately cannot be stolen.

2. God’s heart is always good. As much as we love and have prayed for Lee, none of us can come close to the heart of God for Lee. God’s love towards Lee is perfect and I am so glad that Lee is now face to face with the God He loves so much.

3. God love us and always hears our prayers. I know it seems that God did not hear our prayers, or that He didn’t answer, but let me remind you that Lee has done a lot of living in the last 7 years since the original diagnosis, and especially in this last several years that you have been lifting him up with us. Lee really believed that it was the prayers of God’s people that had helped sustain his life, and I am a witness to how Lee’s life has impacted by so many people from so many walks of life. Please know that Lee and his family are incredibly grateful for the prayers and love that people have faithfully been offering. Let me encourage you to continue to pray and exercise faith. We have been called to live an impossible lifestyle. It is only through the strength and power of the Holy Spirit that we can do this.

There is so much more that I want to share with you all, and I will try to do so in the coming days. I will write you all as soon as we know about the arrangements for the funeral. Please continue to pray for Lee’s family and friends, and please pray that God would be glorified through this whole situation.

Let me leave you with this for now. I have thought a lot about Lee’s destiny over the past year. It has been fuel for my prayers, and has helped me go on in times of weariness. Yesterday, I shared some time with Lee. I read him a few stories about Jesus from the gospel of Mark. After a few chapters I asked if he wanted me to keep reading. He said “not right now” and then started saying something that was hard to understand. Then he started singing. Again I couldn’t understand. But then I started making out some of the words. Then he prayed… “Jesus, you are my life. You are my everything. All of me is for you…” a few moments later he continued, “Set apart for you Lord,for Your good works, for Your glory…” “Jesus, Jesus, I love You…” I was rocked to the core. Here is my friend and hero, in the midst of a fight for his life, and he is worshiping and giving God his life. It was then I remembered that the whole of Lee’s destiny is not in unfulfilled plans, or prophetic words, but Lee’s destiny rest in Jesus. Lee has already made a huge impact on this earth for God’s Kingdom. An impact that I believe will continue on for eternity.

I will be in touch with you soon. Many thanks and blessings.

Brad

Funeral Arrangements for Lee 4:10pm

Hello everyone,

The following is the information for Lee’s visitation and funeral arrangements. Both will be held at Ed and Don DeCarbo Funeral Home, located at 941 S. Mills St. in New Castle, PA. The visitation will be Thursday evening from 4 to 8 pm. The funeral will be held at 11 am Friday, January 30, 2009.
In lieu of flowers or gifts, the family has decided to set up a ministry fund in Lee’s name. The funds will go to reach college students in Western PA. College students was one of Lee’s big passions in life. Checks can be made out to Antioch International Ministries (AIM) and in the memo it should read “Lee Myers College Campus Ministry Fund”. There will be a donation box at the funeral home or you can mail it to Bud and Michelle Myers, 837 Harmony Baptist Rd. New Castle, PA 16010. Thank you so much for your emails, texts, prayers, and love during this time. We will keep in touch.

Brad McKoy

Update… Prayers

It’s been a while.  This will probably be short, but I’ll leave a little update here.

My computer has been down due to a water spill for a while, but it’s back up again; so that’s one of the reasons for my absence here.  I’ve also had a rough go for the past month or better.  I might get into it all at another time but not right now.  I’m pretty weak right now, and I still can’t really eat anything.  I can drink alright, so I can get vitamins and some protein in drinks and stuff like that.  I desperately want to eat, but my stomach is still bloated and messed up from the cancer and other nonsense that’s happened over the past month or so.

I’m home now, and I believe God has great things for my life.  I don’t think things will end like this.  Medically, I’m not sure if the docs have any more plans.  I know I’m going to keep praying though because it’s what I know and believe to do.  Will you please keep praying for me?  I don’t know that there’s a magical set of words or something that need to be said.  I do believe Jesus said things about persistence in prayer.  I feel like it’s largely what God’s been talking to me about right before this recent ordeal.  I don’t feel afraid really, but I still have a big desire for people to pray for me and I feel like I need it.  I appreciate your prayers SO much for my life.  Please pray the cancer will just die and that I can eat and get strength back.  I think it’s ok to pray the same prayers over and over too if you can’t think of new or clever words to pray or something.

Sorry if this post seems poorly written.  I haven’t done much in a while, and I’m not very well.  I love you all and thank you tons for prayers.

A Birthday Request…

It was around this time of the year 7 years ago when my left leg started to hurt near the hip.  That pain turned out to be bone cancer, which is still around right now.  That’s how long it’s been.  My spirit feels strong right now.  In that sense, I feel really good, but as far as I know death is still in my body.  I don’t think it’s ok for it to stay there as far as I’m concerned.  I pray a lot about the cancer dying amongst other things.  Sometimes I don’t know how to pray for myself, and at times it even feels selfish (I don’t think it actually is selfish).  I haven’t directly asked a lot of people to pray for me partly because maybe that can feel selfish too at times, but I know a ton of people do pray for me, and I’m incredibly grateful for that because I know it’s a big deal.

I’m saying all of this for a reason…  When people have prayed for me in person recently, it’s felt really right at this time in my life.  It feels like I’m a man dying of thirst that’s getting a drink of cold water when someone’s praying for me.  It’s different than all the other times in my life that people have prayed for me.  I hope that makes sense even if you’ve never felt that way.  I feel the war for my life a lot right now… there is no new medical information to share right now, but I feel the battle.

I hope this comes across humbly to those who read it.  If it doesn’t, or if it seems wrong of me to you, then please disregard this…  My birthday is coming up in less than a week (November 19).  I don’t normally advertise that either, but I’m asking you for something for my birthday.  Will you pray for me?  I made a request at the end of the previous blog post for prayer, but I thought I should do this again in this way.  I value the prayers of people more than any other thing (truly truly).  Will you pray for me for at least 15 minutes on my birthday?  Please pray much more if you want, and I’d appreciate it a ton if you’d pray on days other than my birthday.  I don’t think I’m asking this out of fear for my life… I don’t want to do things just because I’m scared.  I’m not saying I’m never scared, but I’m making this request because I feel like I need to ask even though it’s an uncomfortable thing for me to do.  I don’t pretend to fully understand prayer or how or why it works, but I know it does… and I feel like I need to ask people to pray for my life and against death.  Thank you. Thank you. Thank you…

Cryin’ & Fires & Prayers Oh My!

I’ve been pretty cranked up for the past week or two.  I finally got my diploma last week.  It was a really cool thing that the dean of students put together for the occasion.  It was a little presentation lunch with some professors and other school employees who I’ve had the chance to get to know.  My family was there too, and it was an honor really.  I appreciated the whole thing a lot.  The sandwiches were incredible, annnd I took the leftovers home (spoils of war… or something… … alright so maybe I’m not real classy, but I usually eat pretty well).

However… the diploma is not why I’ve been cranked up.  I know I might’ve led you to believe that, but I didn’t explicitly say it so we’re cool.  God’s put something in me either right before or during the re:turn prayer thing 2 weekends ago.  I hope it doesn’t disappoint you to know that the “new” thing in me is something that has to do with fervent prayer.  I talked a little bit about it in the last post.  I won’t say too too much about it here either.  I don’t completely understand, but it’s a passion-fire that I didn’t light.  My goal with these few sentences isn’t to boast in myself, but I feel like fire from the altar of heaven is meant to spread.  I don’t know how to do that through a blog post, but if it’s possible, I want to do it.  If something in this post snags your heart… follow it where it pulls you.  If it’s an encouragement to your current pursuit… that’s awesome and keep running.  If it seems like a bunch of weird stuff that’s going on in my life and mind… that’s alright too.  I don’t think it’s good for us to pretend to be something more than we are, but it’s also not good to apologize and act like we’re less than what God calls us just because some people might not like it.  I feel like I have less to boast about than any other man, but I will boast of the good things Jesus has done in me as a testimony to what He wants to do in others.  I think it’s good for everyone to do more of that.

We’ve been praying a lot lately for prayer to rise up in people’s hearts.  I feel like fervent prayer is a big deal.  I’ve heard a verse quoted a lot that I think has been misquoted a lot.  I’ve misquoted it a good bit myself.  It’s not misquoted because people decide to be evil and deceptive at times… not at all.  It’s misquoted because the point that it’s used to make is different than the one I’m about to make…

“The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much.”  (James 5:15)

You might already see where I’m going with this… let’s make the trip anyways.  I’ve never heard the words “effective” and “fervent”.  I think it’s because the focus is usually on righteousness.  Righteousness is a HUGE deal.  Putting on the righteousness of Christ is big time.  Usually that’s the only issue talked about here.  I was talking to Brad today about how it seems at times that people like to teach and preach things that release us from responsibility or discomfort.  I feel like much has been taught in the church as a whole recently about our place as sons and daughters in God’s house.  We’ve learned that we don’t need to strive and strain for things.  We can just BE and know that God loves us greatly.  This is a huge revelation, and it is completely right.  It’s soooo freeing and incredible.  It’s a big deal, and something that we undoubtedly need to know.  (Is that not what you expected me to say?)

That understanding is HUGE, and it’s a foundation that must exist in the lives of believers.  However, we can’t stop there, and we shouldn’t use that revelation to emotionally excuse ourselves from the state of our nation.  Sometimes I hear proper theology that is taught for the purposes of making us feel better about being complacent.  Can we embrace things that make us uncomfortable because we’re not there yet?  Read the verse again from James… what is an effective prayer?  What is fervent prayer?  I’m not exactly sure how I would even describe those things.  I know it’s a big deal though.  I also know we don’t have to try to manufacture effective, fervent prayer on our own.  We can open our hearts and let them be vulnerable to God and ask Him to lead us into those things.  I really think that’ll work out for us if we can do it.

“Persistence & Perseverance make the bridge between heaven’s truth and our reality.”  That statement has been in the sidebar for a little while now.  Maybe it hasn’t made any sense to a lot of people.  I feel like a little seed about the importance of persistence in prayer and in living our lives has been put in me… and it’s growing like a sonuvagun.  I mentioned it in a blog a little while ago.  I’m not sure that blog made a lot of sense.  I’m not going to retype it right now or anything because it went a different direction.  Back to the above statement… There are a lot of things that are different in heaven than here on earth.  Jesus told His crew to pray for God’s Kingdom and will to come to earth like it is in heaven.  It seems like the truth of what is real in heaven is pretty far from what we experience here on earth.  For over a year, I’ve been randomly asking God how to bring these heavenly truths into reality.  One morning not too long ago, I feel like the above statement is what He said to me.  It seems simplistic, but what if we gave it a shot?

What if we decided to give our lives to praying for God’s will to come to earth? … and then we keep praying with all persistence until heaven has completely come across the bridge to earth (our present reality) or we die and go there.  Jesus taught about persistence in prayer (Luke).  I also think it’s important to ask God for fiery passion for what moves His heart.  Ask to be broken by what He’d like to see happening here that isn’t.  You never know what might happen in yourself.

Lastly… if you’re reading this, will you pray for me?  Will you keep praying for me?  Some of you who read these pray for me a lot, and I appreciate it so so much.  God is amazing, and I know He’s good and wants to bring me life.  …I’m also aware that there is currently a death that lives inside of me, and it wants to end me.  Please pray if you will.  Thank you a lot.

Sour Apples Why

I’m still hung up on something kind of weird/crazy that happened today.  I’ll get there in a couple paragraphs probably… First though, I would like to wish everyone a happy election day.  I feel like a lot of people I know are scared right now about the projected outcome of the election.  …the fear is supposedly due to ‘what the outcome of the election will mean for our country’.  I don’t know what will happen at the end of the day today, but I don’t really feel scared.  I told someone a couple days ago that I’m not really worried about things, and at first, he thought I must have changed all of my “political” views (seriously).

Right now, I feel less interested in politics than I ever have before in my life.  At the same time, I feel more interested in our nation than ever before.  I was thinking a couple nights ago why it is that Jesus says, “Go and make disciples of all nations.”  Could this mean that when we don’t have a vision or a desire that stirs us to pray ‘national’ prayers for the transformation of a nation… we haven’t arrived at God’s heart behind the commission He gave?  I honestly don’t know, and I hope that made sense.  The discipling of nations starts with individuals without a doubt.  Having vision for smaller things is absolutely necessary when we’re talking about advancing the Kingdom of God, but is there something to being concerned nationally about things?

For those of you that pray… Do we believe heaven responds to our prayers?  Do we care about the state of our nation, our state, our city, our relatives?  If the answers are yes, how can we not pray?  These questions I’ve asked myself have made an embarrassment out of my prayer life when I think back upon it.  It’s not that I haven’t been praying or anything like that.  …I’ve typed a lot of things after that sentence, but I’ve deleted it repeatedly.  I’ll say this and then wrap things up here:  Paul says “Pray continually.”  I’ve heard sermons and have believed beliefs that could’ve just been manufactured reasons to excuse myself from the floor.  I want to see how deep I can go and see what happens.  The fruit can teach me the message if there is one.

We can name a crab-apple tree God’s Will, but the apples will still suck… as a result those who taste the fruit will think God must be sour, or this isn’t really His tree.

Brad, Mark, and me were in this really old church today.  It’s over a hundred years old.  It was originally a Jewish synagogue that then became a church where some sweet revival happened a while ago.  It’s a small building in a residential area that hasn’t been used in a few years.  It could use some work, but it’s kind of sweet.  We went there to pray (just the 3 of us) and have some communion this morning.  We had some communion elements for the American on the go.  They’re those little plastic cups with juice in them that have a foil seal over the juice so they’re portable… and then there’s a little wafer on top of the foil with clear plastic over it so it’s a neat little package.  So we were in there praying for a little while, and at the end of our time praying, we all heard a shofar blast.  It was definitely audible, and we all definitely heard it.  A shofar is a ram’s horn that they’d blow to signify certain God-things in the Old Testament.  Now, I’ve never been a huge shofar-loving person.  I’ve never had a problem with them at all, and I’ve always thought they were neat… but I’ve never been really into them or knew much about them at all.

This morning, though… it was kind of astounding to hear, and we’re still not altogether sure what it was about.  It was a perfect shofar blast by someone who knew what they were doing, and it was undoubtedly a shofar.  We were in a residential area.  There was only one blast and then nothing else.  I’m not trying to jump to conclusions about a heavenly shofar blast or anything.  We have no idea where it came from.  I’m also not about to get really hung up on it, but this is my blog, and it was a pretty crazy life-event all things considered.  Anyone have any thoughts/insights?

So I’m going to vote now.  One issue is deciding my votes this year.  That might seem crazy or stupid… and a few months ago, I would’ve probably thought that a one-issue decision was a little weird myself.  Something has changed in me in the past couple months.  I can’t ignore it, and the change in me didn’t happen for any non-spiritual reason as far as I can see.  I don’t see it as a moral battleground topic like I used to, and for me this election… nothing matters more.  It’s about unrighteousness in the land, the spiritual atmosphere of our nation, and letting our hearts be vulnerable to what should break our hearts.  Read the new quote to the right about the ‘correct’ side.

Life08 (and forever).  It needs to still matter tomorrow when the election is over.

Joel 2:13.

Ready for Response?

This post is one that I feel like I need to write as opposed to something I want to write.  So here it is:

I’ve had a pretty rough week.  Other than the obvious stuff that’s hard in life right now… other stuff has been going on too.  I told Brad a few days ago that I don’t think they write country songs that are this bad.  I’ve felt like I have nothing to look forward to on earth that I currently have a glimpse of.  There’s been probably 2 or 3 times in the past 2 weeks that I’ve yelled at God and told Him He seems pretty unreliable at times.  I’ve felt like I’m just hanging out on death row waiting for the sentence inside of me to be carried out.  God hasn’t seemed so good lately… All of that isn’t what I believe really, but what I feel doesn’t always follow my beliefs.  I have to choose which one of those two things to follow.  I’ve already made up my mind about the fact that God is good and faithful.  I will choose to live from that place as best I can even when I don’t feel it.

This past Sunday, I was on the phone at the beginning of what turned out to be a really hard conversation.  I was lying in my bed and I felt like my body was moving a bit.  (I’ve only told one person about this until now because I haven’t really cared about it in light of how I’ve felt… and when I told him, I actually told him, “I knot this will probably excite you, and you’ll think it’s great or something, but I don’t really care about it right now.”)  My body didn’t feel like it was trembling… it wasn’t chills… it wasn’t a “normal” God thing.  I honestly felt like there was a small earthquake happening.  I’ve felt earthquakes out here in PA maybe once or twice in my life.  That’s what it felt like.  I sat up and looked around my room expecting things to be moving sort of slowly like I was… I can’t describe the feeling unless you’ve been in an earthquake.  Nothing else in my room was moving.  I laid back down and continued to feel that for another 15 seconds maybe.  …weird right?

The next day, I mentioned that experience to Brad when we were talking about stuff.  I won’t go into too much about it, but he told me the semi-obvious and probably completely correct interpretation of that stuff.  He mentioned briefly about a shaking happening in some people’s lives where everything is being shaken that can be.  He referred to it as a preparation of sorts that maybe we don’t altogether understand even though it seems simple enough… Everything can be shaken, but God’s Kingdom cannot be shaken, and living that revelation to understand it might be a big deal before we can really preach it.  It’s bible stuff, but I don’t know if I’d choose a shaking from where I stand right now.  I’m pretty sure it’s what my life has chosen though… not that I’ve asked for a shaking, but that I’ve asked for whatever and offered whatever to see the Kingdom come more and more in this world.  I know I’ve done that, and it’s a reality in my heart.

Don’t get depressed… I don’t think I’d write a blog post just to talk about how much things suck right now.  It’s not that I couldn’t or think it’d be wrong.  I just don’t feel like writing usually until something catches me on fire a little bit…

Last night… I watched some videos on the blog-site for re:turn08, which is going to be a really sweet prayer gathering.  I watched a couple from The Call DC.  I went to The Call in DC with a few people.  I made it to the mall where the event was being held.  I felt like I was dying though… I guess I kind of was at the time… I only stayed at The Call for a half an hour.  Then I made my way back to where we were staying and went to the hospital the next day.  My God sustains me, and that’s the truth.  (Richard and me saw Sarah Palin last night… I love a good politically based mob with all the chants and cheers like we’re about to storm a castle.  Then we go home and vote like we would’ve before the rally… On the way home from the rally, we were sort of close to getting T-boned on my side of the car.  I told him… ehh, I doubt I would’ve died)  I really believe it, so I say again… my God sustains me!

Alright, so I was watching some videos from The Call that I was at, but didn’t really get to be at.  I told God that I wished I could’ve been there and actively participated more.  The Call is basically a corporate time for praying and fasting for the nation to turn back to God and for God to send revival… tens thousands of people usually gather when there’s a Call thing…  I asked God why I couldn’t be there for it really even though I was kind of there.  I feel like He told me something.  I cried when He did.  I feel like He said “You’re busy being prepared as a part of the answer to their prayers.”  … … … Maybe that seems arrogant.  Part of me doesn’t want to share that on a blog.  I don’t think my mind made it up because my mind has largely felt lately like all destiny has been stripped from me and what could I possibly do for this Kingdom of power.  I also need to say that I know anyone can become part of the answer to the prayers for revival in the nation.  I don’t even know if I fully believe right now what I feel like God just said… I’ll try as I can to run towards it and then we shall see what comes about.  I think anyone who knows the heart of God and has given themselves over for Him and His Kingdom is already being prepared to be a response to this national prayer movement… preparation in hearts happens differently for different people.  I believe that for real… things are seasonal, and I say to all the crap in life right now… this too shall pass.  Another day will come.

One more thing happened last night.  I know this is long already… I was praying about something… I don’t remember what.  A vision jumped in and out of my head really quick.  I haven’t had a ton of visions in life, but I know when one is a God thing because so much more happens in the vision than could possibly happen in any mental image I create.  It was in my brain for half of a second, and I could draw it easier than explain, but here it goes… I saw John Mark McMillan in an outdoor concert setting.  There weren’t many people there for the show.  The “concert” was in a valley with really high/steep embankments on either side.  The valley was actually a DEEP riverbed… I know this because the whole concert was being held in a grassy area where the river would normally flow and destroy everything, but there was a HUGE dam right behind John Mark and the band.  They were playing a song… they were playing How He Loves Us.  Here’s what I felt like it meant…

One of the things that they pray about a lot at The Call is for God to hold back the flood of judgment against the nations.  I feel like the revelation going out into the nation of the way God Loves Us is the dam that holds back judgment and war and death.  We NEED to pray and cry out and intercede and fast and pray for the country and for the world.  …but we also NEED to be ready to carry the answer to our prayers when it is released and delivered in us, through us, and upon us.  People need to know that God loves them greatly… we pray for our nation to turn back to God, but why would they do that when most people have only seen imposter gods that seem impotent because the church has been more focused on being scared and greedy.  I’m not saying we will answer our own prayers because we’re so great… but I believe God wants to move in our hearts and pour out His Spirit greatly upon us to become the church and the physical body of Jesus in the world to deliver righteousness and love to the nation to demonstrate the character of the God that we pray for them to turn to.  This mission we’ve been given cannot be accomplished without the Spirit of God in us and on us, and we won’t do it unless we’ve purposed ourselves to first and perpetually know God and His heart for ourselves and for our world.

I don’t know how this sounds to any of you, but it stirs me.  I’m not foaming at the mouth and ready to dropkick Satan in the gut right now.  I still feel weak and like I can’t do anything for the Kingdom I proclaim.  I know my feelings aren’t true, but they are the honest present moment.  I really want to try and do what I can because what else is worthy… It’s by grace we are able, and it’s a privilege to carry good news.  Yes, I suppose we will see what happens next…

Why Wanna Quit?

So I heard this guy preach a sweet word yesterday at this meeting I went to.  He got me pretty fired up to say the least.  I was half-hoping he’d all of a sudden get tongue-tied and ask me to preach on… I’m saying this because I haven’t felt too spiritual or anything for the past few weeks.  It’s not a matter of losing hope or faith or anything.  I had chemo again last week, and in general, I’ve felt weak or something in my spirit… like the spiritual bank account in me was overdrawn again.  It’s just where I’ve felt like I’ve been at.  Something else has been different recently with my times praying/worshiping too.  Although it’s not in my nature to be elusive when it comes to blogging about what’s been happening… I’ll leave that one at that.  If you want to know what I’m talking about, Brad would recommend you read Ezekiel 37… then ask me about it.

Speaking of Ezekiel… read Isaiah 35 too.  On Nov. 1st, we’re having a prayer/worship gathering at First Baptist Church in Ellwood City.  It’s the same day as The Call California (please watch that video), and we’re having this event called re:Turn partly because of The Call as they’ve asked groups around the country to gather in prayer on that day to join with The Call.  If you live around here, you should come.  It’ll be from noon – 1am.  Let me know if anyone’s interested.

Everitt Whiteside… that’s the name of the man who got me going yesterday morning.  I probably spelled his name wrong, but that’s ok… My blogs are meant to be read aloud anyways to large groups of your peers and as bedtime stories for your children (jokes).  I won’t try to retell Mr. Whiteside’s stuff, but they did record it.  If I can track it down I’ll try to put it up for download to the right.  It’s a ‘for-the-now’ kind of thing.  He talked in the area of something that’s been on my mind lately… basically he talked about persistance and perseverance.

I know I had stuff typed up about this a couple weeks ago, but I think I deleted it… There are 2 Jesus stories that have been on my mind since I heard a Bill Johnson sermon where he talked about them/this subject.  In one, (Luke 11:5-8) a friend wants some bread from a sleeping friend.  In the other, (Luke 18:1-8) some woman wants some justice from a judge who didn’t really care a lot about justice (he obviously never took one of those tests to find what career best suits you).  In both stories, it’s the persistence of the one praying that brought what was needed.  The friend didn’t get the bread because of their friendship, and the judge didn’t deliver justice just because that’s his job as an administrator of justice.  So Jesus told these stories… not me… and I’m pretty sure they’re told to illustrate how we should pray.  Do I think God would rather take a nap than feed us… or would He rather play minesweeper than mete out some justice in the land?  I highly doubt it (even though minesweeper is pretty addicting)… I don’t think the point is to illustrate characteristics of God, but it’s to illustrate characteristics of the kind of faith that pleases God.

I heard a story somewhere… this is a true story as far as I know.  A man was interviewing a man of prayer (a man of God).  The interviewer asked the man if he’s ever had any prayers that God didn’t answer.  The man said there was only one… he was praying for the adult son of some friends of his who wasn’t a believer.  The man hadn’t yet come to know Jesus.  In the same breath with which he gave that response, he added something like this: “…but I don’t see any way how that prayer won’t be answered because I’m still praying.”  This man who was being interviewed died, and the son of his friends met Jesus at this guy’s funeral.

That’s good stuff right?  I’d pause and take an offering right now if this wasn’t a blog (jokes again).  How do we live in faithful persistence?  I asked Brad a few days ago what it takes to see our prayers answered?  Are the answers just on the other side of more prayers?  Is there something more we need to see or understand first?  I don’t know.  How do we pray with continual faith and persistence when nothing seems to be happening?  I don’t know exactly… I’ve been thinking about things connected to this for a little while now.  So I’m going to just throw a few things up in the air here, run out of the way and see if any of them float… Then I’ll probably go play my guitar…

Does our faith come from the prayers we’ve seen answered before?  I’m not saying it doesn’t in part… but Israel wandered and didn’t enter the Promised Land initally because of lack of faith.  They saw more crazy-amazing miracles than anyone ever.  Does a love relationship with God need to stay bigger than his powerful hands?  We know what He’s done, but what He’s done should point to who HE is as opposed to just what HE can do.  God wants to give us the desires of our hearts.  He said that.  Do we want to give Him the desires of His heart?  Weird thing to think about right?  I’m speaking in terms of relationship… not philosophy right now…

We, in a sinful state, were more important to Jesus than His own life.  He wants us, and wants to bring us life abundant.  He gave everything to give us more than everything.  Would we give our very lives up in exchange for what He wants?  These aren’t questions about whether it’s ok to desire things… it totally is, and it’s important that we dream and tell God about those yearnings.  I think when we’re walking in His Spirit, our dreams show us our destiny.  Maybe these are questions about sacrificial love? (maybe I’m just going crazy) There’s no greater love than giving your life for a friend… that’s a sacrificial love.  Does love require sacrifice?  Maybe it does… If a man viewed his life as something equal to his wife’s, would he ever die for her (a well-known portrait of great love)?  Is there an element of love that we can get to with God where we want what He wants more than what we want?  Does it even matter though since our desires are birthed out of His spirit, which lives in us?  (wouldn’t they be desires like His anyways?)  Yes…

That’s why I said before that maybe this isn’t about desires or priority… but maybe this sacrificial persistence thing deals more with sacrificial love…  What’s bigger in my own eyes… my desires, or the element of heaven coming to earth that is packed within those desires?  If it’s just about getting what I want, I can see how I could grow tired of asking without any signs of receiving an answer.  If I pray out of my desires while knowing that I’m praying in agreement with heaven… and THAT’S my main source of fuel for persisting… couldn’t I (shouldn’t I) carry on with those prayers for the advancement of HIS Kingdom indefinitely?  This isn’t about my desires as much as it is about how I view the one I love.  I don’t even know if this makes sense to anyone (including myself).  …but… there I am.

It’s a really good day today, and I’m building a really big fire on Friday *grunt*

…in the Land of the Living

Today was a big day.

It’s my friend Brad’s birthday for about another hour.  I got 2 packs of guitar strings for $13.  When I put new guitar strings on, I got them all to wind really nice and neat (usually I have one that looks a little like I let my cat crank it on there).  I ate the last of my smoked meat, which means I have to smoke something else now.  I changed the line on my fishing poles and swapped in a new reel.  …annnnd I turned in the rest of my schoolwork to finish school.  That last one makes me feel very good.  I’m not sure if my professors will want me to do anything else to wrap anything up, but if I do have more to do, it’ll be very minor.  So hooooray for alll of that.  I think I’ll be doing more chemo next week, but it’ll hopefully be outpatient.  Other than that, I’ve been feeling completely fine and well.

So get this… Psalm 27 is really good.  The whole thing is pretty wonderful and even spectacular.  I know I want to live with God and look at Him all the time and forever.  The expression of that desire is generally what this Psalm is known for, and rightfully so.  There’s another part of this Psalm though, that I keep reading and saying out loud.  It’s verse 13.  Here it comes… Ready?

I would have lost heart, unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living.

Those italics are in the bible.  I didn’t add them.  How do translators know when to use italics? Anyone? ??? … … So right before this verse, and in other parts of this Psalm, David is talking about his enemies who have come to do bad things to him.  Then he writes the above statement.  I’d like to first say that I’m all about going to heaven.  I’m pretty excited about it.  Paul said, ‘…to die is gain’ (hint: it’s not really a loss).  It’s going to be everything that is great and amazing and better.

Secondly, I’d like to say that I get annoyed at times when people talk about heaven to me.  The following is not a political statement: I do not get annoyed at the people.  I really really appreciate the heart for me that what they’re saying comes from, but I don’t like the hopeless spirit that is behind their words.  I’d like to now take this opportunity to explain what I’m talking about.  At times, people have said things to me like this: “When you get to heaven you’ll be completely healed and your body will be restored.”  If you’re reading this and have told me that… please don’t be upset or feel bad.  I truly, honestly, sincerely appreciate the heart behind those words that wants to bring peace and alleviate sadness about a temporal problem.  …but a lot of times when I hear that, I get the sense that they don’t want me to be let down when God doesn’t do what I believe He will.  If a man carries hope to the grave, what has he lost?  The only thing that can come out of shattering hopes that had come from heaven is despair.

Sometimes, we can become victims of the lack of faith around.  Our faith can become tempered so we believe God only for things we think He’ll bring.  Sometimes it’s only faith for what we’ve seen Him do before.  Would God do more than He did even through Jesus Himself?  I think that’s one of the reasons Jesus was here and what He did… He kind of even said that Himself.  … When I read the bible, I NEVER get a feeling like I’m being cautioned against having hopes or a faith that is too high when it comes to believing God for the things that He’s named for doing.  Can we have hopes that are bigger than God’s power?  I’m not talking about hoping for selfish things…  … How about this…

It is true that we will have whole bodies in heaven.  It’s true that we won’t have cancer in heaven.  It’s true our bodies will be restored in heaven.  Didn’t God say to pray for things on earth to be as they are in heaven?  So praying with faith and hope that God will hear and answer is good right?  We can’t have hopes that are too high when we’re hoping for things that God told us to pray for.  … I think I’m out of things to say about all of that.  Nothing happened recently that sparked all of this.  …well I’ve been reading Psalm 27, so I guess that counts… oh, and I was google chatting with my friend David and got myself stirred up about all of this.  He just kind of listened while I started e-preaching a little bit.

The last thing I’ll add here is verse 14 from Psalm 27…

Wait on the LORD; Be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart; Wait, I say, on the LORD!

A Sidebar Love Story

Well I have about an hour to write something here.  I don’t know what’s going to come out right now, but I have the itch to write something right now.  Physically, I’ve felt pretty good the past couple of days.  Yesterday, I smoked a lot of meat in my first meat-smoking endeavor.  I learned a lot at least… … …the meat was smoked well, but it didn’t cook.  So we had to bake it and microwave some so that we could eat it sooner.  It might’ve been a little sketchy since it was poultry, but no one’s sick today (as far as I know).

Anyways… I put something new in the sidebar to the right.  I’m not exactly sure what those little quotes are really.  I don’t have a big thing I’m trying to accomplish with them.  Sometimes something pops into my head that I want to write down and remember, but I don’t want to write a blog post about it.  So there it goes…  I guess I’m writing about this most recent one, so … ?

This isn’t a courtroom trial.  It’s a love story.  …I was playing my guitar and kind of thinking about that.  It’s hard to feel encouraged and positive all the time.  A lot of things have happened in the past couple of months… and medically speaking, there aren’t any good-looking prospects on ways to cure what’s wrong with me.  That’s a realization that hit me when I was in the hospital last week for chemo.  I don’t feel like I’ve been a faith giant lately.  I have faith.  I have hope.  That’s not denial, and I’m not trying to convince myself of anything.  I know what’s there.  It just doesn’t feel huge at the moment, and that’s just the truth.  I don’t feel discouraged, and I don’t feel sad.

Random sidenote: I had to argue with a doctor when I was in the hospital a few weeks ago.  He woke me up at 8 every morning and asked me questions that always had the same answers… One morning, he started trying to tell me I was depressed.  I told him I wasn’t depressed [the truth].  He wasn’t convinced because he didn’t think I could diagnose myself.  I asked why he thought I was depressed.  He said I displayed classic symptoms: sleeping a lot, not eating, seeming withdrawn.  I didn’t know how to respond… he’d only come in at 8:30 in the morning and wake me up (you’ll always find a sleeping man if you always walk in his room while he’s asleep  –Confuscious).  He wouldn’t come back later even though I asked him if he would and we could talk about it then.  I might’ve seemed withdrawn because I just wanted to fall back asleep … as for the eating thing.  …I had a bleeding ulcer.  Interesting story right?

Sometimes I’m not even sure how I feel on the inside.  I feel neutral.  Is that weird?  Is that possible?  I think I need time to process things or something… I don’t know.  So I was playing guitar, and that love story thought kind of came into my head.  I think people are logical in general.  We weigh things against each other when we make most decisions.  Laws of fairness and justice work that way I think.  In the court room, the law determines the outcome based on the evidence that’s presented.  When the evidence looks grim for a defendant… he’s probably not going to feel joyful.  So when that thought came into my head, I asked myself, “Am I looking at my life/relationship with God right now as a court proceeding?  Have my joy, hope, and faith grown smaller because the evidence looks bad right now?”  –I don’t know for sure to be honest.  It was just questions and thoughts.

In contrast to the courtroom dramas… love stories aren’t governed so much by level-headed thinking and the laws of what’s fair and logical.  I’m not promoting stupidness, but it would seem this blog is taking the tone of a lot of my previous ones.  In love stories, you can’t always look at what you see and make a rational choice.  Who has a rational heart?  In love stories, you follow what you believe to be true… even at the expense of appearing to be sane.  In love stories, troubling times and unreconcileable problems seem to be necessary to show that love is love and not just the next smart play in life.  I want to know and show a love that’s real.  I love Jesus.  He hasn’t wronged me.  He hasn’t blown it or messed up.  Logically, it can be hard to be in love with a healer while you have cancer… but His healing isn’t His heart… that’s what I really would like although I don’t dismiss what He died to give.

Life is beautiful… and soon it will seem like it.

I Feel…

I realize I’ve neglected this blog for the past couple of weeks.  I don’t know that I have much to write other than an update on how things have been going since I’ve been home from the hospital.  So here goes that…

I came home last Friday, which was great.  Since I’ve been home, I’ve been physically alright.  I don’t know that I’m back to full strength, but I’ve been feeling stronger since I’ve been home.  It’s been great being able to eat, and due to the fact that I lost so much weight, I’ve been trying to gain a little back.  Trying to gain weight definitely isn’t the worst thing in the world.  I’m supposed to go back in the hospital tomorrow for another chemo treatment.  I’ll be in there for about 4 days.  I’m not happy about that, but that’s what’s happening.

In happier news, I should finally be finished with all of my schoolwork within the next 2 weeks.  I finished some things up and then found out I’m much closer than I thought.  Basically, when I’m done with this round of chemo, I have probably 2 hours or less of work and a phone call to make.  That’s pretty exciting.  I don’t like chemo at all, but graduating is a really happy thought.

So currently, I’d say I’m still in recovery mode… I feel like there’s more of me that is recovering right now than just my physical body.  I told Brad about a week ago (when I got home) that I felt like my spiritual checking account was overdrawn at the moment.  That’s not a doctrinal statement… it’s just where I was.  I don’t feel the same as I did then.  I’m not exactly sure how to describe how I feel within that analogy.  I’m doing well though because I recognize that hope lives, and that’s a big deal.  I hope no one gets annoyed with all the talk about hope.  I have even more to say about it and about how hopelessness is really unnecessary and I might be partially responsible whenever it exists around me… but that’s for later.