Ready for Response?

This post is one that I feel like I need to write as opposed to something I want to write.  So here it is:

I’ve had a pretty rough week.  Other than the obvious stuff that’s hard in life right now… other stuff has been going on too.  I told Brad a few days ago that I don’t think they write country songs that are this bad.  I’ve felt like I have nothing to look forward to on earth that I currently have a glimpse of.  There’s been probably 2 or 3 times in the past 2 weeks that I’ve yelled at God and told Him He seems pretty unreliable at times.  I’ve felt like I’m just hanging out on death row waiting for the sentence inside of me to be carried out.  God hasn’t seemed so good lately… All of that isn’t what I believe really, but what I feel doesn’t always follow my beliefs.  I have to choose which one of those two things to follow.  I’ve already made up my mind about the fact that God is good and faithful.  I will choose to live from that place as best I can even when I don’t feel it.

This past Sunday, I was on the phone at the beginning of what turned out to be a really hard conversation.  I was lying in my bed and I felt like my body was moving a bit.  (I’ve only told one person about this until now because I haven’t really cared about it in light of how I’ve felt… and when I told him, I actually told him, “I knot this will probably excite you, and you’ll think it’s great or something, but I don’t really care about it right now.”)  My body didn’t feel like it was trembling… it wasn’t chills… it wasn’t a “normal” God thing.  I honestly felt like there was a small earthquake happening.  I’ve felt earthquakes out here in PA maybe once or twice in my life.  That’s what it felt like.  I sat up and looked around my room expecting things to be moving sort of slowly like I was… I can’t describe the feeling unless you’ve been in an earthquake.  Nothing else in my room was moving.  I laid back down and continued to feel that for another 15 seconds maybe.  …weird right?

The next day, I mentioned that experience to Brad when we were talking about stuff.  I won’t go into too much about it, but he told me the semi-obvious and probably completely correct interpretation of that stuff.  He mentioned briefly about a shaking happening in some people’s lives where everything is being shaken that can be.  He referred to it as a preparation of sorts that maybe we don’t altogether understand even though it seems simple enough… Everything can be shaken, but God’s Kingdom cannot be shaken, and living that revelation to understand it might be a big deal before we can really preach it.  It’s bible stuff, but I don’t know if I’d choose a shaking from where I stand right now.  I’m pretty sure it’s what my life has chosen though… not that I’ve asked for a shaking, but that I’ve asked for whatever and offered whatever to see the Kingdom come more and more in this world.  I know I’ve done that, and it’s a reality in my heart.

Don’t get depressed… I don’t think I’d write a blog post just to talk about how much things suck right now.  It’s not that I couldn’t or think it’d be wrong.  I just don’t feel like writing usually until something catches me on fire a little bit…

Last night… I watched some videos on the blog-site for re:turn08, which is going to be a really sweet prayer gathering.  I watched a couple from The Call DC.  I went to The Call in DC with a few people.  I made it to the mall where the event was being held.  I felt like I was dying though… I guess I kind of was at the time… I only stayed at The Call for a half an hour.  Then I made my way back to where we were staying and went to the hospital the next day.  My God sustains me, and that’s the truth.  (Richard and me saw Sarah Palin last night… I love a good politically based mob with all the chants and cheers like we’re about to storm a castle.  Then we go home and vote like we would’ve before the rally… On the way home from the rally, we were sort of close to getting T-boned on my side of the car.  I told him… ehh, I doubt I would’ve died)  I really believe it, so I say again… my God sustains me!

Alright, so I was watching some videos from The Call that I was at, but didn’t really get to be at.  I told God that I wished I could’ve been there and actively participated more.  The Call is basically a corporate time for praying and fasting for the nation to turn back to God and for God to send revival… tens thousands of people usually gather when there’s a Call thing…  I asked God why I couldn’t be there for it really even though I was kind of there.  I feel like He told me something.  I cried when He did.  I feel like He said “You’re busy being prepared as a part of the answer to their prayers.”  … … … Maybe that seems arrogant.  Part of me doesn’t want to share that on a blog.  I don’t think my mind made it up because my mind has largely felt lately like all destiny has been stripped from me and what could I possibly do for this Kingdom of power.  I also need to say that I know anyone can become part of the answer to the prayers for revival in the nation.  I don’t even know if I fully believe right now what I feel like God just said… I’ll try as I can to run towards it and then we shall see what comes about.  I think anyone who knows the heart of God and has given themselves over for Him and His Kingdom is already being prepared to be a response to this national prayer movement… preparation in hearts happens differently for different people.  I believe that for real… things are seasonal, and I say to all the crap in life right now… this too shall pass.  Another day will come.

One more thing happened last night.  I know this is long already… I was praying about something… I don’t remember what.  A vision jumped in and out of my head really quick.  I haven’t had a ton of visions in life, but I know when one is a God thing because so much more happens in the vision than could possibly happen in any mental image I create.  It was in my brain for half of a second, and I could draw it easier than explain, but here it goes… I saw John Mark McMillan in an outdoor concert setting.  There weren’t many people there for the show.  The “concert” was in a valley with really high/steep embankments on either side.  The valley was actually a DEEP riverbed… I know this because the whole concert was being held in a grassy area where the river would normally flow and destroy everything, but there was a HUGE dam right behind John Mark and the band.  They were playing a song… they were playing How He Loves Us.  Here’s what I felt like it meant…

One of the things that they pray about a lot at The Call is for God to hold back the flood of judgment against the nations.  I feel like the revelation going out into the nation of the way God Loves Us is the dam that holds back judgment and war and death.  We NEED to pray and cry out and intercede and fast and pray for the country and for the world.  …but we also NEED to be ready to carry the answer to our prayers when it is released and delivered in us, through us, and upon us.  People need to know that God loves them greatly… we pray for our nation to turn back to God, but why would they do that when most people have only seen imposter gods that seem impotent because the church has been more focused on being scared and greedy.  I’m not saying we will answer our own prayers because we’re so great… but I believe God wants to move in our hearts and pour out His Spirit greatly upon us to become the church and the physical body of Jesus in the world to deliver righteousness and love to the nation to demonstrate the character of the God that we pray for them to turn to.  This mission we’ve been given cannot be accomplished without the Spirit of God in us and on us, and we won’t do it unless we’ve purposed ourselves to first and perpetually know God and His heart for ourselves and for our world.

I don’t know how this sounds to any of you, but it stirs me.  I’m not foaming at the mouth and ready to dropkick Satan in the gut right now.  I still feel weak and like I can’t do anything for the Kingdom I proclaim.  I know my feelings aren’t true, but they are the honest present moment.  I really want to try and do what I can because what else is worthy… It’s by grace we are able, and it’s a privilege to carry good news.  Yes, I suppose we will see what happens next…

~ by leemyers on October 24, 2008.