Tubeless not Hopeless

They finally took that stupid tube out of me.  Glory.  It’s been out for a little more than a day, and it’s been much better having it out than having it in.  I should be able to start on clear fluids tonight… hopefully that goes well, and I can move my diet up sooner than later.  The better I can eat, the sooner I can go home, which will be great.  I feel better today than yesterday, so as long as that’s the case everyday, things will be good.

I just had an encouraging visit from a good friend who stopped by unexpectedly.  He’s dealing with some cancer right now, and he was down for a doctor’s visit.  So he stopped by.  It wasn’t anything he said or did that was encouraging… he just encouraged my spirit.  It’s difficult being here, and I’d be lying if I said I feel completely fine with all of this stuff happening again.  It’s a hard thing, and I don’t feel bad for wondering what is going on sometimes.  There’s much that I don’t understand… Even if I can make sense theologically out of the stuff that’s happening, it’s hard relationally knowing a God who is good and powerful but who seems to sit and watch while junk keeps going on.  My relationship with God isn’t based on feelings, but relationships always involve feelings, or it’s a joke-relationship.  I can’t see things clearly, and I think about what God told Job in the bible about how inferior Job’s knowledge is to what God sees.  I know and believe all of that, but it’s still hard on one’s feelings to know a God who comes to restore and be in need of restoration.  This blog isn’t a doctrinal venture to explain any theological points.  It’s just where I’m at because I’ve found it’s good for me to type out where I am.  I always feel better after I finish writing stuff than before I write.

With that being said… I’ll say this: It’s been said that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting the same result.  It would seem a faith of insanity is where I keep finding myself.  Returning to trust in the goodness of God is the only place I have to go to.  Believing He will come and restore is where I keep finding myself.  Sometimes it requires feeling like an idiot within myself.  It requires going beyond my feelings and experience and believing something is true even though I’ve never really seen it.  Is that what denying ourselves means?  Does it sound like crutching through life on a false hope?  … Time will test the substance of this hope.  I don’t feel obligated to prove anything.

If I believed my hope were false, it wouldn’t have any power to effect change in my life or mindset.  That’s how you can tell when someone has a real hope in something, and they honestly believe it.  I say that to illustrate that this isn’t a doubting statement: Even if hope seems false at the end of a life, a God-hope is faith, and faith always advances the Kingdom of God as a whole regardless of what happens situationally.  I’m pretty convinced of that.  Ridiculous circumstances can create opportunities to move with ridiculous faith.  Ridiculous faith honors and brings glory to God.  It’s always a good thing, no matter the result.  As I’ve stated before, I don’t believe things are going to turn out bad in this life of mine.

It’s interesting how the story has yet again moved back to one about faith and hope, which both exist only because of real love.  Maybe Paul wasn’t crazy after all.

Still in the Hospital (Lame)

It’s been a rough past few days.  …but I’ve got some time here, and I can do a little typing.  I know some people like to know what’s going on, but me and my family can’t keep everyone updated personally.  I actually can’t really talk at all at the moment.  There’s a tube going through my nose and into my stomach.  It feels a little like a garden hose.  I was determined to have them take it out immediately after they put it in… I was pretty upset about it.  They put it in Thursday evening, and I think it’s good that I changed my mind and left it in.  It’s not something you get used to, but I guess I care less about it now than I did.  It’ll probably make me appreciate the times more that I don’t have a tube down my throat.

They put it in because the cancer has grown again in my abdomen while I was on the study pill… as a result, my small intestine was being compressed and blocked.  So the tube pumps stuff out because my body wouldn’t process it.  (sorry… I forgot to mention this blog post is rated PG-13)  I’ve also had 5 days of chemo and haven’t eaten since August 15th.  My stomach isn’t quite right yet, and I couldn’t eat now if I wanted to… but I’d really like to go to Red Lobster right now.

I’m going in for a CT scan tomorrow, and if that looks good, they’ll take the tube out.  Then I can start having clear liquids (hooray).  I think things are going pretty well though.  Thanks soooo much for everyone that is praying for me!  I really really do appreciate it.  I think that’s enough for right now.  That’s how things are… things will get better I hope.

Update: Sterilized Terrorism

I’m sure some of you have heard by now that I’m back in the hospital.  I thought it’d be good for me to put up a post here and let everybody know from me what’s happening.

I went to The Call this past weekend in Washington DC.  I had been sort of sick for the previous week.  Although it was mostly just a flu-like thing or something, I had some other pain starting that was similar to the pain I had in January when the tumors were back.  I was feeling better, so I went to The Call with some sweet people, but then things got really miserable for me the night before The Call.  I went to The Call, but only for about an hour.  Then I went back to where we were staying.  I wanted everyone else to stay at The Call because they were there for a reason even though I know they would’ve left with me if I would’ve asked.  The next morning, we drove back to PA, and they took me straight to the emergency room.  I was feeling really miserable.

They gave me some pain medication, which I’ve been on since then, and it keeps me comfortable.  They did scans and found out that the tumors had begun to grow again, and some smaller new tumors had formed in my abdomen.  So the study pill I’d been on hasn’t been working.  They restarted the chemo today that I was on before.  This is the chemo that had good results against the cancer in me.  He also wants to alternate that one with another chemo so that the tumor doesn’t build up any resistance to the chemo that works.  There’s another new biological cancer fighting agent that the doctor wants to put me on a study for sometime soon as well.  That all sucks pretty bad.

So how am I doing?  That’s the question a lot of people have asked, so I’ll answer it here in case you’re wondering.  I can’t say that I feel happy about all of this stuff.  It’s annoying, and it feels like being in a kind of prison when I have to go for chemo treatments — there’s a lot of restrictions on me.  The thing that bothers me the most is how stuff happening to me makes those who love me sad.  I’m not super-spiritual or anything, I think that’s something normal that a lot of people feel who go through stuff and have people that love them.  On the other hand… (maybe I’m just a little nuts or something) but I don’t really feel worried.  I’m not trying to say what I think I should say.  I try to be transparent on my blog, and that’s where I feel like I’m at right now.  Maybe it’s the pain meds???  –I don’t really think it is…

I wrote this blog a few months ago… I think it helps explain what I feel in my heart because the stuff I wrote in it is still true right now.  The other thing that is true is that I feel like my resolve to press on to God and with God keeps growing.  I feel like my commitment is deepening, as weird as that may sound given the circumstances.  I’m not boasting because I can’t take the credit for this.  A couple days ago when I was in some pain, I sort of smiled and just started saying, “I’m still coming after You.  I’m still coming after You…”  I think it’s the greatest thing in the world when we realize that we’re the only ones who can stop us from pursuing the Mighty One.  That’s freedom!  Maybe it feels crazy or stupid to keep going at times.  Maybe it’d be socially acceptable to stop the pursuit because we’ve gone through a lot of crap.  I guess I’m not really into social acceptance though.  When satan comes against believers who aren’t subject to terrorism… I like to think he has to get into some prozac or something because I’d be depressed if I were him.

Thank you all soooo much for praying for me.  I honestly and truly appreciate it like you all don’t even know.  Having people praying for me is such a big deal to me, and I’m so so thankful for it… really really.  In summary:  I’ll be ok because so many amazing people are praying for me and God is good.  I don’t see how things can turn out bad.

Worship Like a Rock-Star

Everyone, read the bible… it’s good for you…

The four living creatures, each having six wings, were full of eyes around and within. And they do not rest day or night, saying:

“Holy, holy, holy, Lord God Almighty, who was and is and is to come!”

Whenever the living creatures give glory and honor and thanks to Him who sits on the throne, who lives forever and ever, the twenty-four elders fall down before Him who sits on the throne and worship Him who lives forever and ever, and cast their crowns before the throne, saying:

“You are worthy, O Lord, to receive glory and honor and power; for You created all things, and by Your will they exist and were created.”
Revelation 4:8-11

When I was in Kansas, this sweet guy named Aaron read this one day at our church meeting. Something hit me from this that hadn’t before. Worship seems like it was meant to be contagious or something. In that passage, when do the 24 elders bow down and worship and cast their crowns? It’s when the living creatures give glory and honor and thanks to God. Is this because the 4 creatures were better and that’s just the proper order of heaven worship? …Maybe? …or maybe seeing how amazing God is to the 4 creatures causes something to be stirred in the elders. This is going to sound nuts, but … oh well… Maybe the 4 creatures had a better view of the throne than the elders… and they must’ve been able to see God in ways that the elders couldn’t because they had eyes all over themselves (read it again).

What if the worship from the ones who can see God better than others is a way in which those without so many eyes are to be drawn into worship and the presence of God… then they can see for themselves how amazing He is. Have you ever been worshiping in church or in a bar or somewhere and then you saw someone else worshiping and that person was really giving himself/herself to God. Maybe they were weeping or dancing or jumping… and at the sight of their worship, something lit up inside of you and you couldn’t help but worship God like a worship-maniac. Has that ever happened to anyone else? Part of me used to think it was emotionalism. Who really truly understands emotions anyways? Maybe it is some kind of emotionalism. Maybe it’s something else…

Whatever you call it, I think the contagious nature of worship is kind of a big deal. Our worship is an expression of how worthy we think God is. Brad says the word worship comes from worth-ship. How much is our God worth to us? Even if I don’t have a very good view of God at times, seeing someone giving himself or herself to Him in worship, can bring a revelation of God’s goodness to me that someone else has experienced! Seeing a sold-out response to God’s glory (worship) might not be too different from seeing His glory myself. Another man’s worship tells me of the majesty of God that He’s seen and experienced; so as a believer, that man’s worship stirs my heart to respond to the glory of God I’ve experienced but am currently not feeding on. Could this be part of the reason why corporate worship seems to have a synergistic (high-priced word) effect when it comes to the intense sense of the presence of God that isn’t experienced as often when one is alone? (If that sentence doesn’t make sense, you can move on. I don’t even know if it’s English-class legal.) … True heart-worship also draws nonbelievers too. I’ve seen it happen a number of times even though it seems like it’d be repelling to the rest of the world.

Am I crazy? …possibly. One last thing I was thinking about like 15 minutes ago: Thanksgiving is a response that occurs when I see what I have because of what God’s done. It’s important and oh so necessary. Worship is a response to how amazing our God is. It has nothing to do with me and my situation and what I have or don’t have. That means, worship should never stop because I don’t think God’s going to stop being amazing. Choose worship. I promise He is worthy.

Don’t be afraid to let the love out of your heart in beautiful expressions. Maybe you’ve been given eyes to see the King because others are looking at you. All you need to do is let yourself respond to what you’ve been privileged enough to see. The rest of the world won’t be able to help themselves.

“…every knee will bow before me. Every tongue will confess…”

Phoenix Rising

Currently, I do not have any tattoos. However, images like this make me think about the possibility. I can’t get the story of the Phoenix out of my head. In case you don’t know the story… it’s an ancient myth of a bird who builds a nest every 500 years and then ignites itself along with the nest. Then, out of the ashes, the bird is reborn. Therefore, the bird is immortal. I really really love that story. I’m sure there’s maybe more to it than that, but that’s enough to be sweet. I don’t know if I have any kind of further insight. It’s just been on my mind a lot. I’ve also been listening to “Bring Me to Life” by Evanescence a good bit.

I’ve been sick for the past few days. I feel weak, and due to the past year and a half of my life, when I’m in bed sick, I have this mental-association thing that makes me feel like I’ll be here in bed for a long time. I know it’s not true, and I do feel somewhat better today. I recently (less than an hour ago) had another one of those moments I’ve written about before where my spirit seems to just catch on fire for seemingly no apparent reason. Being sick is lame, and I’ve just been laying here watching a lot of Olympics (go USA). …but like times past, something in me just sort of goes off sometimes for no reason at all. I do NOT understand it to be honest. It does show me something though… it tells me that this thing burning inside of me is not just emotional. It’s not even… (watch out now) …a CHOICE. It comes from choices made, but the change that has happened is permanent. I’ve said this stuff before, but here it is again because it’s where I am.

I had good things going on in my life a year and a half ago. I was a senior at Allegheny. God was doing amazing things on the campus there. God was consistently showing up in supernatural ways in my own life. Things were basically sweet. If you know me at all, you know what has then been going on since then. This isn’t a “feel bad for me” story… not at all. Basically, since then, most of those things haven’t seemed very alive lately. I don’t know what God-stuff is happening or is going to happen at Allegheny. I still need to finish some work to even graduate. I haven’t really experienced many crazy-amazing obviously supernatural God things lately. Maybe that’s why I’m so into the Phoenix right now. Maybe what I’m about to say is just a feeling and not actually the reality right now… but… Even if life sometimes feels like just ashes… there are still ashes… there’s still something… there’s still life in me. It’s also a biblical truth that things need to die before they can become what they were meant to be. It’s death that allows for immortality. It’s death that allows seeds to grow into gigantic plants. This is a weird thing to talk about sometimes. I’m not endorsing death… at least I’m not in the sense of people dying (unless we talk about resurrections in the same sentence).

I don’t really know that I completely understand this Kingdom of God thing. I get pieces of it, but I don’t understand other parts. The first disciples praised God for being counted worthy to suffer for Jesus. I’m into that thought… He’s undoubtedly worth it, and I say that as one who is not ignorant about what pain is. …should we pray for persecution to end? If those who are persecuted are blessed… should we pray for persecution? I don’t know. I would pray against it in all cases. When Peter was in jail, the believers prayed for his release, and he was set free. Hooray God. You want to know something weird though. I don’t know if I’ve written this before or not… I read the Heavenly Man a couple years ago, and I felt weak and uncommitted after reading about the persecution he endured. I prayed a prayer that might be wrong. I’ve talked to God about it since and repented and prayed against anything I let in that might not be good… I feel like it was answered though… please try to understand my heart in this. I was crying when I said something like this, “God, will you let me go through persecution and hard times. I want my commitment to You to be galvanized through hardship. I want to be polarized in my faith… I don’t want to be able to stay in the middle and in comfortable, supernatural Christianity…” That was October or November, 2006. I don’t recommend that prayer. I don’t know if it was a smart thing or not. I feel like every word of it came to pass. It’s worth it.

“Wake me up inside…”

Sportscenter Revisited…

This is an edited and revised post from a few months ago.  I’m reposting it and I’ve re-tuned it because it’s what’s been on my heart after having been at a simple-church planting training thing for the past 2 weeks.  It’s not the same post as before so don’t skip it just because you’ve read the previous one…

Ok, so I’m sure if you’ve ever watched Sportscenter, you’ve heard some amazing catch-phrases being spoken when people hit home-runs and things like that. Some notable phrases include: Booyah!, Say hello to my little friend!, YAHTZEE!, Backbackbackback GONE!, and He Gaawwt it! …you get the point. Well one that I’ve realized that they’ve been saying for a while is this, “Fill thine horn with oil, and go.” Does that seem a bit odd to anyone else? Not only is it an odd saying, they’ve been saying this one for a LONG time… like probably as long or longer than Stuart Scott was saying ‘BOOYAH!’ back in the day. So ‘fill thine horn with oil and go’ sounds like bible so I searched for it. Biblegateway.com brought me to 1st Samuel 16. God tells Samuel to stop mourning for Saul because He’s rejected him. He tells Sam to fill his horn with oil and go… to anoint David who was God’s choice for king.

Now, I’m not trying to say that Sportscenter is a spiritual program that will lead you down the path to righteousness, but I do think that the world (believers and nonbelievers alike) can pick up on things or even at times prophesy what the Lord is doing in the world and nonbelievers might never even know they’re doing it.  I think everybody in the planet is spiritual… they have to be or how would the Lord ever draw anyone to Himself? The fact that many Sportscenter hosts have been quoting God for the past year seems too odd to not have anything to do with anything. Maybe you’ll think I’m going overboard with this, but that’s ok.

So this particular quote was spoken at a transitional time back in the old testament, and it seems to go along with something I’ve been thinking about and asking other people their thoughts on it and stuff like that. This might upset people, so I’m sorry…

Here it goes: It seems like many churches have been going downhill in membership and passion relatively quick. Other churches and communities of believers have been growing at the same time (when I say growing, I’m talking about in making new disciples… not sheep-stealing).  Most of the real growth in the church has been going on overseas.  Now the following statement isn’t a blanket statement about all churches that have been decreasing, but what do you think of this:  I feel like God has been honoring and blessing many churches that have come in the name of God and have done MANY amazing and great things, but there have been religious things and political things going on in them that haven’t really been what God’s heart is into. It seems that this has been something that’s been going on for a while now in the church.  More recently, I think God’s began to release a deeper kind of call to His people all over to come closer and to come to Him and seek Him and His heart… it’s an invitation to a closer intimacy for all of those who desire that the most… It’s an invitation to go after the very heart of God. It’s not that this invitation hasn’t always existed, but I feel like people seem to be catching it all over the place at around the same time these days. I see the Lord’s obvious blessing on bodies of people, and He’s drawing others into these bodies and calling people to communities of other people who are pursuing God for who He is instead of what He can do to make them seem important.  More and more people of the church are starting to simply pursue God instead of God+money+buildings.

…Back to Dave and Saul for a second…

Saul was a strong man that looked like a proper king. David didn’t look like much at all, but he was a man after God’s own heart. The bible doesn’t say that same thing about Saul even though Saul came in the name of the Lord and did some good things. “Fill thine horn with oil, and go,” was the phrase from the Lord that marked a transition from the reign of Saul to the reign of a new king who loved the Lord and was after HIS heart.

I believe Sportscenter picked up on a transition that is taking place in the ONE body of Christ. The transition is taking place. The beautiful church (the bride of Christ) has generally been in a state of looking proper and supposedly Holy but not always pursuing the Lord’s heart.  I feel like a big shift is happening, where the church as a whole is moving to a new place where she might not always look like what most typically think a church should look like at first… but much like David, the church is going after, and obtaining, the heart of God… The royal look will come in time… people will recognize the church as a gift from God like it was meant to be. We are heirs to this wonderful world and coming Kingdom, but can we keep our eyes on His in spite of everything else we can see.

Simple church-communities that can and do meet anywhere to seek the Lord and that missionally go to make disciples are what is in my heart to see.  This expression of church is one that reproduces quickly, and has a great community focus along with a mission focus.  While I think that this expression of church is something God is releasing in America to many leaders, I am not bold enough to say that this expression of church alone is the David in my analogy.  I feel like David is all of those who are truly pursuing God’s heart for how we should live together and reach the world together.  Many AMAZING men and women of God lead large churches that are truly changing cities (Bethel Church — Redding, CA).  Maybe God will shift His entire church to something that looks different than what we’ve always known as church?  I don’t think He’ll do that to be honest, but I feel like I see His blessing and anointing shifting to those communities of believers with a corporate spirit after the heart of God.

This is the last thing… sorry this turned out to be long… At CPx, they compared larger churches to elephants and smaller missional communities to rabbits.  I felt like they didn’t give the elephants enough credit.  The rapid reproduction of the rabbits was the focus of the analogy.  While this is a HUGE deal in my opinion, the elephants can do things that rabbits can’t.  If there wasn’t a value in elephants that isn’t in rabbits, God would’ve just made more rabbits.  Using this analogy… I don’t feel like God is shifting the church to all “rabbit” communities.  Maybe He’ll do that?  … To be honest, I kind of think the first church in the NT was made of rabbits and elephants.  …but how did they retain unity without becoming a rabbiphant?  I don’t know exactly, but I think unity through love without trying to all be the same is a big deal.  Arrogance brings division or it brings unhealthy same-ness when we think the thing in our heart is THE thing that God must want for everyone.  I really think this issue is big, and it’s really something that we need to seek God about as a body of believers.

Burn the World.

I just noticed that it’s been almost a month since I wrote a new blog entry. Right now, I’m sitting in a Panera in Lawrence, Kansas… seems like a good blog spot to me.

I’m at a simple-church planting training thing here, and it’s been pretty great so far.  I could write about all of the details, but I won’t right now.  Maybe later???

I felt like God suddenly started telling me some things today while this sweet guy was talking to our group.  The stuff God was saying wasn’t directly related to what the guy was saying, but it spoke to me.  So I’m going to start putting some of it down here and see where it goes…

Being passionate for Jesus and having a heart that burns for Him is awesome, amazing, and completely right and good.  However, just having that fire isn’t enough.  There’s a difference between someone who is passionate and someone who is radical.  A person who is only passionate, but not very radical is like a fire in a fire pit.  You can see it burning, and there is definitely light there.  A contained fire is governed by it’s surroundings and the environment it exists in.  The fire is not in control of it’s situation.  A contained fire will eventually go out unless someone brings more fuel… right?

A radical person has a great passion, but that passion affects a radical person’s actions.  A radical person is like a wild-fire.  This kind of fire moves and spreads by the wind (Holy Spirit?).  Wildfires set everything on fire that will burn.  Everywhere a wildfire goes, things are affected.  Fire chemically changes everything that is burned, and only that which will not burn is left (God will purify us and shake everything that is shakeable).  Even if something will not burn, it is affected by the wildfire, and just because something won’t be lit on fire… that doesn’t mean the fire goes out.  It does not wait for fuel to brought to it… It moves to anywhere and everywhere that fuel exists and can be ignited (GO and make disciples of all nations).  I think God will at times bring the fuel to us, or maybe a piece of ash will float away and light something else on fire, but I kind of think the disciples who rocked the world went and burned where ever they could.  A radical person will definitely seem out of control like a wild-fire, but when the fuel in a certain area is all burning and changed to that un-burnable substance, it can only move on with the wind blowing it.  If the wind is perfectly moving because it’s completely not random… one or two small wild-fires can move to change the world.  If that speaks anything to you… then that’s awesome.

Here’s one more thing I was thinking about today…

The same action done by two different people can have completely different results depending on what spirit it’s done in.  The motives in the heart of a person have SO much to do with the outcome of the action.  So I was thinking today about that.  I was thinking about how I’ve been hesitant to do things I’ve felt like I should do because of the bad outcomes they’ve had before when others have done them coming from a bad spirit… An example is preaching in public.  It seems kind of crazy, and it seems like something that isn’t good because of the street preachers we all have heard of who spew hate and anger from a bullhorn.  …The disciples in the bible preached all the time in public.  They had opposition, but God did AMAZING things through it, and Jesus calls us to preach the gospel… I don’t think He just meant to do it in church.  How should we go about preaching in public??? …I don’t exactly know.

The point I’m trying to make is this: Know that the spirit behind what you’re doing will determine whether it’s a good or bad thing.  Don’t abandon a method or a specific action because you’ve seen it have a terrible outcome.  Maybe the spirit behind the one using that method wasn’t good, but that doesn’t make the method a bad thing.  I think I need to be reminded of that at times.

Cinnamon and Handcuffs

I went and saw the doctor yesterday. It was basically to talk about this study that they’re putting me on. Nothing exciting was said really. I have to go to the hospital a couple times the next 2 weeks so they can do tests and such to see where I’m at right now so that they can gauge how well this pill works. …and that’s if I even get the pill. This is a placebo-controlled study, which means I could get the actual pill with the drug in it, or I could get a sugar pill the entire time. There’s a 50-50 chance either way, and no one will know. A few people say that’s a scary thought. I guess I might be scared if cancer had dominion over God. I don’t mean to sound like I’m always fearless, or like I never get worried. However, as I write this, I feel like I’m in my “normal” mindset, and cancer won’t make me quake right now.

Two years ago, I decided to declare war on cancer. I don’t know what that looks like to wage war, but I started praying. I got to see people with cancer healed by the power of God supernaturally. It was great! Then this pain started in my leg, and it increased — it was cancer. Then I lost my leg. Then I was brought to the brink of death by this cancer, but my God had other ideas. A war is not over until one side gives up or is destroyed. Neither one of those things have happened yet. I didn’t intend to go here with this blog post, but here I am… I don’t know what a war against cancer looks like, but I’m in. I also know that I’m not alone in this fight, but corporate movements require personal decisions–this is the one I’ve made. This war on cancer thing might seem ridiculous to some people. Personally, I think it’s ridiculous that people believe in an all-powerful God who created everything and then hand-cuffed Himself and threw away the key because He doesn’t want us to ever really encounter Him although we’re supposed to have a relationship with Him. I think that’s ridiculous, but not in the way you might think.

I do believe God has handcuffed Himself… I believe He’s handcuffed Himself to the prayers and desires of His people. The prayers and desires that arise in us when we’re filled with His breath… with His Spirit. We are creations that have been created in His image. When we’re filled with the same life and spirit that is in Him and that comes from Him, why wouldn’t the longings of our heart become the same longings in His? I know God can move and do things on His own without people. That’s obvious. What isn’t obvious is His desire to operate with us and through us. It is in this way that I say God has handcuffed Himself to the prayers of His people (I didn’t come up with that concept by the way). Rarely do things happen without people making some kind of prayer or intercession. It’s true that without Jesus I am nothing and good for nothing, but I’m not without Jesus. I don’t plan on ever being without Him, and I don’t think God ever tries to think about what I’d be like without Him. So why would I?

I honestly don’t know how I ended up writing about that stuff, which means I should probably just leave it alone and post the other stuff in a couple days.

I do need to mention though that at approximately 2am (eastern standard) on this Saturday morning, June 28, 2008. Richard Welch and myself, Lee Myers, completed the cinnamon challenge. It’s been completed by others, but it is definitely harder than it looks. We pulled it off last night, and Richard puked everywhere. It was great.

House-fire. Pray.

Please stop reading this for a few minutes or hours (whichever you want) and pray for my friends Sam and Joyce.  Their house caught on fire last night.  The whole upstairs is basically burnt out and there’s water damage through the lower part of the house from the fire-fighting.  They have insurance, so that’s a good thing, and Sam said he thinks it’s salvageable, but it’ll take a while.  Sam and Joyce are amazing, and they have impacted my life a lot.  I really love them and care about them.  I don’t know what to tell you to pray for, but please pray right now.  I had other things I was going to say in this post, but I need to just leave it at that.

Shopping-Cart Kayaking: Postponed

Well, as much as it pains me to do this, I need to write this on here for all to see…

Does anybody have my John Mark McMillan CD? I think I lent it to someone, and I can’t remember who.  It’s been gone for a while and I’d like it back.  Please think to yourself right now: ‘Do I have a CD by a guy named John Mark McMillan?’  If the answer is yes, then follow that question up with this one: ‘Does it belong to Lee?’  If the answer is yes again, please give it back or purchase it off of me for $475.

If you don’t know who John Mark McMillan is (or even if you do), I highly highly recommend that you watch this… it’s worth it I promise:  Click Me! (…and no I don’t know what is up with the low-cut v-neck shirts.  Maybe chest hair is in right now?)

I got to be part of something pretty sweet this morning, and I think I’ll share it here.  I was at Giant Eagle before work getting a case of waters.  I was a bit frustrated because I had to get a case of water annnnd I currently have one leg and use crutches.  I didn’t know how I was going to pull off carrying a case of water to my car.  I smiled at some older guy on my way in and he told me I had a good attitude.  That was kind of fun.  So I go to the water, and just as I suspected… I could not carry a case of Dasani on crutches.  I asked a man who was stocking the shelves if he would help me out.  He said yes, but I think I had him a bit flustered because he then started throwing boxes of snack bars onto the shelf every which way (not a good stocking technique).  I tried to calm him down a bit by saying how I wasn’t in a rush and he could take his time.  He finally wedged the last box in to make it fit, and we went over and grabbed the case of water.  We walked over to the check-out, and he puts the waters down and walks off.  I thanked him because I really did appreciate it, but I thought to myself, “Sweet… I wonder if he thought I was going to purchase this lovely case of Dasani and then proceed to chug all 24 bottles right here in the 10 items or less line?”  I briefly thought about jumping in a shopping cart with my case of water and using my crutches like oars to make the cart go… it’d be kind of like kayaking.  I didn’t have a helmet though, and I’m pretty big on shopping cart safety.

Anyways… The woman in front of me started talking about the price of food and how she’s going to have to tell her family to stop eating for a couple of days.  I laughed a little because obviously she was joking, but I didn’t know what to say???  I said something about the price of gas or something lame like that (maybe I was still thinking about how to handle the class 4 rapids if my cart had one of those wheels that make it pull to the left).  So I bought the water, and the wonderful lady who had just checked out offered to put the water on her cart and bring it out to my car.  I said, ‘that’d be great!  Thank you so much!’  As we’re walking out, she politely asked me what had happened.  I told her a brief version of the story about how I’d been dealing with cancer for a while, and that’s what happened to the leg.  She asked how I’m doing now, and I told her about the most recent stuff that had happened.  I told her about almost dying and how great God is and how lots of people have been praying for me sooo much.  By this time we’re in the parking lot standing at the trunk of my car.  She starts crying, and I didn’t know what God was doing, but it was noticeable that something was going on.  She looked up at me and said this, “Less than a year ago my husband died of pancreatic cancer, and it’s been really really hard.  But then there’s YOU and you’re so happy!”  Maybe it doesn’t seem too significant at first.  She wanted to leave because she seemed embarrassed to be crying in the parking lot at Giant Eagle.  She told me her name and asked me to add her to my prayers.  I asked her if we could pray right there, and we did.  It was really great.  After I left, I felt like God showed me how He just healed something in that woman’s heart that had been broken.  I don’t want to share right here what He said to me, but I started crying everywhere.  It was really great.